A status update

An update on my life.

-I blogged a while back about looking for a new house. We have found one. It is perfect! It has lots of bedrooms and a dedicated office for Christ. AND it has hardwood floors! We are closing in the middle of December and we are hoping to sell our current house before then. Two mortgage payments seems stressful.

-I also blogged a while back about some of my frustrations as a teacher. I feel like I have more students this semester who choose to not care or not put forth effort. Especially in my second block. I also have a student in there who has decided I don't like her (which is not true). This is her second time in Spanish which means that she has seen it all before, and so she thinks she knows it all (which is also not true). She stirs it up and others follow her. Despite talking to her, her coaches, and her mom, she hasn't really let up. She was absent on Friday. It was a nice break. I hope that Chris and I teach Jim that education is important. I also hope we teach him to behave and be obedient. I have many students that do neither.

-Cheerleading. I cheered in middle school, high school, and in college. It was a huge part of my life. I coach basketball cheerleading at the school where I teach. When I was hired, things were not good: girls had quit, cursed at each other and the previous coach. My job was to keep things under control. I did that and have worked hard to try to establish a good reputation within the school. The basketball cheerleaders are totally separate from the competition/football squad. Their coach is a bully and intimidating. When I was first hired, I was told I was not subordinate to her, but despite her knowing that, she treated me as such. And after some tears and a conversation with the athletic director (AD) things got a little better. (Although the same conversation had to be repeated the next season.) Since I've been coaching, I've learned more and more. I learned that my squad was not on the uniform rotation, meaning we were never set to get new uniforms (we got hand-me-downs from the competitive squad). When I approached the AD about it, I was essentially brushed off. I talked to the principal and we got new uniforms. I'm also planning to step it up this year. I am sick of being seen as the red-headed step-child of sports at my school. And this other coach makes it worse. She makes comments to her squads about mine and intimidates her girls to not try-out for me. But no one will come out and tell me because they are afraid of her and the consequences of crossing her. It's frustrating. Sometimes I feel like the only sane one; I just hope all this will come out and people will see her for who/what she is. I also hope the administration, including the AD, will recognize that my girls are excited about cheering and have school spirit, unlike the competitive squad. (Sorry for the rant, but this whole thing is a source of great frustration and annoyance.)

-My son is totally adorable. He is incredibly smart. I love watching him engage with the world around him. His personality is also becoming more visible. Although he's laid back like my husband, he also has a sense of order, like me. He knows that everything has a place and wants to put everything somewhere. My husband took the trash out yesterday and left the trash can lid on the floor. Jim walked over to it and put it back on the can. He also loves to read. I appreciate his love for books and I hope it never diminishes.

-TV shows I'm enjoying: Community, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, NCIS, Hawaii Five-O, Amazing Race, Project Runway.

I think that's about it. I hope to come back sooner than I did last time.

Loose Ends

I hate loose ends. They drive me bananas. It's for this reason that I hate season finales of TV shows. And, depending on my mood, they can ruin a book or a movie.

This book was excellent. I had a hard time putting it down (I started it on Saturday and finished it earlier tonight) despite its 400+ pages.

It's a story about trust, taking a risk for something you believe in, and that we are really no different from each other.

It's an amazing book, but I'd like an epilogue. What happened to Skeeter in New York? Did Minny leave her husband? What about Celia and everything related to her? And what about Hilly?

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed the book AND I just wish there weren't so many loose ends.

(I wish I could fix things)

Lost

I don't even know where to begin. I have a student who made a mistake and now her mom wants her to get an abortion. She doesn't want to. I told her it was her choice and that she'd have to live with the consequences of either choice. She is 5 months along. And showing. I can't even handle that fact. My conversation with this girl has really affected me. I don't want her to get an abortion. I wanted to yell at her and shake her. But I knew better. 

There is a couple that I know pretty well that is separating. I didn't realize they were having any problems until the wife announced he was moving out. She is hurt. He doesn't know what he wants to do. I believe that marriage is a commitment. One that is supposed to last forever. He isn't ready to reconcile and I'm having a hard time not being angry at him. Doesn't he see he's hurting her? And what about their son? 

In both of these situations I feel lost. I don't know where to begin or what to do.  My heart hurts.

Sigh

Education has been in the headlines fairly consistently for a long time. People talk about No Child Left Behind (NCLB) and its ties with standardized testing. People also talk about poorly performing schools and bad teachers. People are outraged that bad teachers have tenure (good ones have it too). Most of the blame regarding the poor state of education in our country is blamed on teachers. And honestly, our hands are tied. We must administer these tests, and therefore must do what we can to make sure our students are prepared for them. However, some students cannot speak or read english, or have a mental disability preventing them from doing as well as other students. And although teachers have been saying these things for a long time, no one listens. And people started listening today because Matt Damon started talking. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that he's on our side, but he's saying exactly what teachers have been. Yet, the public listens to him because he's famous. Sigh. Maybe his words will spur change, because ours haven't.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/matt-damons-clear-headed-speech-to-teachers-rally/2011/07/30/gIQAG9Q6jI_blog.html

Soap-box side-note: Part of what is so frustrating about all of this is that everyone has had teachers invest in them and encourage them and challenge them. So why can't people listen to them?

Blog Entry

I read this and liked it a lot. Especially the part about teachers.

http://www.lauraziesel.com/2011/07/barbs-hidden-in-honorifics.html

Blessed

I am blessed.

I have an incredible husband and son.

I have a fabulous job.

I have a safe place to live.

I have a church family that is part of my community.

I have some incredible friends that are also part of my community.

A Tribute

Camp has started and summer is a crazy time in our family, but we are on break and this is a post I've wanted to write for some time. It's directed to those in my life who have played a significant role, either good or bad, and mostly in my past. Please don't read into things too much; this is mostly for me. Here goes . . .

S. D. - You are one I can point to who first really encouraged me to have a personal relationship with Christ. To spend time reading His Word everyday and to ask questions. You were always willing to listen to my questions (no matter how silly) and to answer them as best you could.

The Juniors - You welcomed me and allowed me to be myself. You all accepted me for who I was and encouraged me to grow in Christ.

T. M. - I try not to have regrets in my life. There are days when I would change some things, but then I remember that those things helped to make me who I am. That being said, I wonder what happened to you and I pray for your wife when I think about you.

T. G. - I'm still not sure what brought us together, but I hope that I made a difference in your life. I am proud of you and grateful for our friendship even though it was only for a season.

C. G. W. - I wonder what I would say to you if I ever saw you: "I'm sorry I never believed you." "I'd love for you to meet my husband." "Thank you for protecting me." "I would not be who I am today if it weren't for you." Bottom line, I'd say thank you for always trusting God about me.

J. P. - Thank you for being the first person I could really confide in. I don't think I'll ever forget the loft at that retreat center.

B. W. - Thank you for teaching me an important lesson in self control.

FBC Girls - I hate that we live all over the country and rarely see each other. I will never forget our sleepovers and videos at AD's house.

A. D. - I wish I could have helped you more. Been more encouraging. In some ways I feel like I've let you down: then and recently. I am glad that you seem to be in such a good place.

M. E. - I'm curious about the higher power you've found and how you got to where you have. I also feel like I've let you down. It looks like you're happy though.

K. M. - You have always been there for me. You responded to all my notes in school and listened patiently to my ramblings/rantings. You are always honest and that inspires me.

K. F. - I am glad you're back in my life. You also have always been there for me. You listen and respond and answer and challenge.

J. S. - I love that you not only know my name, but my husband's also. You saw things in me that I didn't see in myself and provided opportunities for me to grow.

R. N. - Thank you for challenging me and encouraging me to "work out my salvation."

J. S. - I'm grateful for our reconciliation.

Floating

I've got a lot of posts floating around in my head.

I'd like to write sort of a tribute to the people in my life and the influence they've had on me, both positive and negative.

I'd like to write an update about my life. My son turned a year old this past week. It's crazy to think that he's only been in my life a year. I cannot imagine life without him. He is amazing. I can't wait to think how much more he's going to change in this next year.

I'd also like to write one about my current frustrations in teaching. We are approaching exams and although I have some wonderful students who care about learning, I feel like this semester I have many more who don't. It's frustrating that I prepare lessons and teach and answer questions and some rarely pay attention or take notes. And then we come to where we are now: a few days before finals. Kids start becoming concerned about whether they will pass the class. They learn they have somewhere between a 68-72 and inevitably tell me something like this: "If I do really well on the final, will I pass the class?" And depending on the day or my mood, my response is varied. But the reality is, that although the test is multiple choice, chances are they won't even make a 50. And do you know what's even worse? Many of these kids are very smart, yet they choose to waste their brain power and not pay attention. But they start caring at the very end, when it's (practically) too late. They also blame me. I recognize that they are 15 and (obviously) immature, but that doesn't mean their words don't hurt.

So, apparently, I wrote a blog about my current frustrations in teaching.

A Continuation of Thoughts

I wrote a blog last night about this same subject and today at work found a blog on CNN about Osama bin Laden's death. It's a pastor who's been praying for OBL for 10 years. In the blog, which can be found here (http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/05/03/my-take-bin-laden-died-long-ago/?hpt=T2):

"I have been praying for Osama bin Laden for 10 years. I was not surprised by news of his death. As I asked myself why, I suspect it is because, in my eyes, bin Laden died long ago. He died to goodness; he died to mercy; he died to peace. He died to the things that God cares most about. He was alive until this week--but he died to life a long time ago.

I have wondered over the years what God tried to do to win him back to love. I wonder about the confounding ability of human beings to resist the love of God. I wonder about these things for Osama bin Laden and I wonder the same things with respect to my own life. Today, as I have many days before, I pray for my enemy--I pray him into the hands of the God of justice and mercy."

The truth is that God wants everyone to come to Him; He wants no one to perish. He desires for each of us to come to Him. He does things to love us to Him. Some are big and some are small. He sent Jesus to die in our place. He gives us the sights and sounds of the ocean and the views from the mountain tops.

Bin Laden's heart was hard and he resisted God's love. I hope that I have what it takes to pray for my enemies and to pray that their hearts will become receptive to God's efforts to win them back to His love.

Justice and Fairness

I really want life to be fair--just ask my husband, it's true. But as much as I want life to be fair, it never will be.

And justice will never truly be just. No one will get what he/she really deserves. And that's the beauty of grace.

"An eye for an eye and the world will go blind." Is it really just to kill a man because he's killed before? Jesus says, "You've heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment" (Matthew 5:21-22). If we take Jesus at His word then we should all face the same punishment as Osama bin Laden (OBL).

People rejoiced over the death of Jesus just like people rejoiced over OBL's death. The difference is that Jesus was a man who did many incredible things and who committed no wrongs. OBL hurt many people.

I'm not really sure where my thoughts are going tonight. Murder is wrong. OBL did many bad, horrible, awful things. But he was unarmed and killed in cold blood. I understand that taking him alive is a big, nasty can of worms, but is that reason enough to kill?

Regardless, people rejoiced over a murder. I cannot be alright with that. Two wrongs do not make a right; they never have and they never will.

My guess is that God's heart hurt as He watched this drama unfold. It hurt on September 11 and it hurt Sunday evening. It hurts as people rejoice over this death. Although OBL was a bad man, he was still made in God's image.

As Christians we need to be careful how we react to all of this. We need to not glorify murder or judge others, no matter what they have done. We are always being watched and our every action affects how others perceive Christ. That is not a light burden.

Kindergarten-Me

Yesterday I went to visit my kindergarten teacher. I was in her first class at Julia Green and she still teaches there. It was a little strange to be in my old elementary school. It's been re-done: the library is in a new place; there are windows and new tables in the cafeteria, and there's a whole new wing. I chatted with her while her students were at lunch. I went with her to pick them up. She introduced me to them and they all waved and said hi. It was adorable.

Driving away from there I thought about myself as a kindergartener. If I could talk to kindergarten-me, what would I tell her? One thing came to my mind immediately: Your parents will be okay; they won't get divorced.

My parents went through a very rough period when I was in 3rd grade. They did an in-house separation for about 9 months. I have a distinct memory of walking through church and wondering who I would live with if my parents got divorced.

I find it strange that this was the only thing I thought to tell kindergarten-me, especially since none of this would take place for a number of years.

Interesting.

Potential Changes

My son is alseep.
My husband and I are relaxing together.
God is good.
Life is good.

Tomorrow we're going to look at a couple of houses tomorrow. I'm nervous and excited. We are looking for a place with enough bedrooms for everyone as well as a dedicated guest room and an office for Chris. One house has a screened-in porch and a big deck on a lot of acres. It would be so neat to take it and make it exactly what we want. The other is more modern and has an unfinished basement. The idea of selling our house is a bit overwhelming, especially during the summer, but we need to trust that God will take care of us and that He's in charge of this situation.

I'm looking forward to this potential new chapter in our lives. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Fingers crossed.

Ministry: What it is and what it should be

I am a teacher. Teaching is a part of me. I cannot imagine my life without teaching. I believe that teaching is something God has called me into and that is an area where my gifts lie. I work with 85 students a semester. I spend 90 minutes a day with them. I know what their favorite colors are, what kind of music they like, where they hang out on the weekends. I listen to them when they speak. I offer advice when asked. I make sure they are alright if they seem off. However, what I do is not considered ministry. Not officially, anyway. This is upsetting to me. In many ways I minister to more students in a day than some do in a year (or more) of youth ministry.

Unfortunately, I believe, because teaching is not recognized as ministry, many excellent teachers are going elsewhere because they feel they've been "called into ministry" and teaching isn't considered ministry by the church. I firmly believe that if the church recognized teaching as ministry and encouraged more people to become teachers, the world would quickly become a different place.

My prayer is that the church's definition of ministry will broaden to include those who are doing ministry exactly where they are and where God has called them to be. Then, I also believe, that then the kingdom of God will grow faster and larger than any of us could ever imagine.

Rob Bell

I'll admit it. I am a Rob Bell fan. There are not many people (less than five) who can hold my attention for a 45 minute sermon. He is one. I've listened to some his sermons, seen multiple Noomas, read his books, and heard him speak in person. He seems like the real deal. He deals with hard topics and always makes me think.

I heard/read a lot of stuff about his newest book, Love Wins, which recently came out. I purchased this book and devoured it in just a few days. This book opened my eyes and changed my thinking in a lot of ways. (Now, to be honest, I've been in a place where I haven't been BFFs with God. And this book sparked something in me. I'm searching for answers and asking more questions than I have at probably any other point in my life.)

A basic overview:
-Heaven is here and now. We need to be a part of the kingdom of God where we are.
-Hell is a very real place. It is somewhere that we create for ourselves. Is it a place that people go when they die? Yes. Is it where those people stay forever? Depends on your reading of the Greek; Bell would say no.
-God gets what He wants. The Bible says that God wants none to perish and that all people will praise Him. God also allows us to have free will. Because of free will, God will never force anyone to worship Him. Bell argues that God's love will ultimately draw all people to Him. Love wins.

I have believed for a long time that we, as Christians, need to be living out the kingdom of God where we are. We need to be serving those in our community, loving the people around us, seeking to tell others about God, and working to right the wrongs we see/experience.

I've also wondered how hell works. I know that there are consequences for not choosing God, but forever? For all eternity? What about those who have never heard about Jesus? I see God as being full of love and grace. Each of us is created in His image; and He would really allow people to go to hell? The idea that there are (essentially) second chances in hell is freeing. It takes the pressure off. It means I can live my life seeking to bring heaven to my world and not stress about after-death part.

And alongside of this book, I've been reading a book about God in the Old Testament. YHWH is a God in relationship: with Israel, with humans, and with creation. Brueggeman, the author, states that we were created to listen to and obey God, we will inevitably fail, and restoration with happen (it's a cycle that all three groups follow). I firmly believe that the YHWH of the Old Testament is the God of the New Testament. His personality and character did not change. He is still in relationship with each of us. And, because He's God, that relationship can continue after death. (That last sentence was me, not Brueggeman.)

After finishing Love Wins, I read 10-15 reviews of the book. Many reviewers claimed Bell is a heretic and a universalist; I do not believe that either of these statements are true. (I am also very proud of Bell and the fact that he has not lashed out at these people.) But it seems to me that these individuals are comparing Bell's writings to their personal theology. Many are not willing to have an open mind about what he says. Granted, some of them have some valid points, but it upsets me that Bell is being attacked and labeled for something that provides hope, grace, and peace.

I'm sorry this post is long, and I'm not even sure that it makes sense. I'll summarize:
-I'm not sure Rob Bell is entirely off-base with his thinkings about hell.
-People have attacked Bell based on their theology. They seem unwilling to believe something that doesn't fit neatly into their pre-conceived ideas. This is sad, upsetting, and disappointing.

(This is one of those issues that I need to remain anonymous about. If people knew that I read, and liked this book, the consequences would be significant. I wish that Christians did a better job of dialoguing.)

I Am Anonymous

I'm not very good at blogging. I have such good intentions, but they don't always come to fruition. I am a wife, mother, and teacher. I enjoy reading. I also enjoy good conversation.

Because of what I do I sometimes feel like I have to keep my thoughts, beliefs, and opinions close to my vest. Not doing so might mean significant consequences for some of the things I am involved in. I may not remain anonymous forever, but at least for a while.

Here's some context.
-I am a follower of Christ who is still working out my salvation.
-My husband is amazing. I often feel like I somehow tricked him into marrying me (he says I didn't).
-My child is ridiculously adorable. I love how he approaches everything with a sense of wonderment.
-I teach at a large public high school in the Bible Belt.